Monday, October 31, 2016

Lord Battle's Top 5 Hidden Halloween Horrors

Every year around Halloween we see social media light up with horror fans celebrating their favorite films to watch during the season. The problem is that everyone celebrates the same 10 films (Halloween, Trick R' Treat, It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown), which is fine since I actually tend to agree with these choices, but as an elitist Halloween/horror enthusiast who likes to share new ideas and force new film upon the creatures that listen... I've conjured up 5 personal favorites of mine, some old, some new, but all perfect for Halloween. And just to be clear, I agree with Adam Green and believe it's not a Halloween film unless there's at least one Jack-o-lantern but I also like to see costumes (preferably characters from other films), pumpkin carving, candy, decorations, and parties/dances.

#5 Pumpkin Carver

Far from being a great film but entertaining as hell. Pumpkin Carver is a slasher containing lots of costumes, pumpkins, and a poor-man's Bill  & Ted that really bring the film's Halloween party to life! Watch this one in a party setting with people who don't wanna pay attention or with some really gnarly/rad horror fans.

#4 Hell House

Hell House is the newest addition to my list and the only non-fiction pick. Part 90's time capsule, part expose, and one large part horror culture history, Hell House gives an insiders view of a church run haunt. Imagine a haunt that acts as a Scared-Straight for nonbelievers. Hell House may not work for a party environment but will kill a crowd of high-brow, ivory tower Halloween trick-or-treaters.

#3 Satan's Little Helper

This little indie horror is written and directed by Jeff Lieberman, who you may not know by name but has directed films you may be familiar with, like Squirm or Blue Sunshine. And after a hiatus that felt like an eternity (but was actual around 10 years) he returned to horror film making with this very, very dark comedy horror. Full of decorations, pranks, and a huge costume party, this movie bleeds Halloween. Just make sure you screen this one with close friends that won't judge you.

#2 All Hallows Eve

Micro budget indie horror is awesome. Micro budget indie horror anthologies are amazing. Micro budget indie horror anthologies that take place on Halloween and feature a cursed VHS tape and some bratty kids, are modern classics. If you can look past some amateurish acting (and very little at that), then screening All Hallows Eve will entertain even the most avid horror haters (Yes, that means KillDozer even liked it).

#1 Goosebumps The Haunting Hour:
Don't Think About It

If you follow me on instagram you must have seen this one coming.  In 2007, the TV series The Haunting Hour released a straight to video film called Don't Think About It, staring a Hot Topic style goth version of Hannah Montanna co-star Emily Osment, Codey Linley (aka Hannah Montanna's zombie hunter love interest who plays basically the same character in this film), and a long haired cursed antique peddling Tobin Bell fresh off of Saw 3. This one's not only kid friendly, it's got some smart homage to past horror and some surprisingly good special effects! And if that's not enough to pique your interest, it's also written by the same guy who wrote John Carpenter's Body Bags, Dan Angel. 

If you'd like your Halloween get together to be cutting edge, hip, and original, I can't help you. But if you want to show some films that will have an audience laugh, cringe, scream, and warm their rotten little hearts, take a page outta my flesh bound book and show something different.

-Lord Battle

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