Friday, December 27, 2019

The Overlook Theatre Reviews: Christmas with Cookie

"In the year 3978 global warming has made a desert of the North Pole. Santa and Mrs. Claus battle angry skeletons who didn't get what they wanted for Christmas. Evil aliens try to take over the world and a giant abominable snow man wants Santa for his next meal."

3 of 7 viewers "Liked" "Christmas With Cookie" (2016, USA)
Creature reviews have been minimally altered in an attempt to maintain their voice:

Math Mage - "This movie would have been better without the title character. It was the sort of nonsense I like but broken up with a narration segment featuring a low rent Crypt Keeper." - 3 Stars

Listener Sam - "This movie. Wow. It's got jokes, kind of. And a yeti. And aliens. And it ends with the entire story as a rap. I loathed this, but want to force others to watch it. I'd watch the sequels." - 1 Star

Lord Battle - "A yuppie couple brew a magic potion that when ingested will reveal the best moment to attack Santa. The best time turned out to be a 1000 years after the apocalypse when Santa was making out with his girlfriend in the desert. Lucky this potion resurrected the couple as skeletons so they could carry out their sneak attack. This all happens in the first 10 minutes of the movie and accurately represents the insane/interesting ideas executed in Christmas with Cookie... Oh and Cookie is a horror host who is "narrating" aka interrupting the story about every 5-10 minutes. The bulk of this film is rapid-fire ideas executed on a micro-budget canvas and they mostly miss (by design?). I'd say the film loses momentum as it plays out, but the awkward Cookie interruptions act as a sort of lifeboat which offers quick relief. Yet too much of a good thing is bad and about halfway through the movie Cookie overstays his welcome and worse, reuses jokes. If you've got a solid group of film explorers who are willing to brave the micro-budget world, check this one out next Christmas. If you are a solo adventurer, good luck. If neither applies to you, why are you here? - 3 Stars

Huntress - "Christmas with Cookie should not be watched alone. Bad jokes and crazy illogical storylines are best experienced with friends, especially the anti-jokes that Cookie spews during his time on screen. And even then you might want to make this a drinking game movie." - 3 Stars

KillDozer - "I'm not sure if saying this is for Troma fans is a compliment or an insult. It has a Christmas with Cookie rap so that is something. This was way less predictable than Midsommar." - 2.5 Stars

The Impostor - "Bad jokes galore! Christmas with Cookie is far from a good movie. I will say this inspired me to make a short film or something because if this can be made and released, I'm sure I can make something solid and at least funny. The comedy and jokes are extremely cringe worthy and backed by 1960's special effects. I could tell they had fun making this film and I love that but I would have turned this off if I was watching alone. I love holiday inspired horror films but this one missed the mark for me." - 1.5 Stars

Wondering Panda - *Fell Asleep* - 2 Stars (Default)

The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*
(Below is for after you've seen the film)

Christmas with Cookie has been living on the Overlook shelves for several years now, ever since a reviewer (who will remain unnamed) was handed the DVD after admitting they liked Christmas horror movies. And this was the year Cookie finally made it to the screen.

There's no reason not to accept a movie that's being handed out to admitted fans of Christmas horror; there's always a chance you'll end up with a low budget gem that's telling a story you haven't seen a dozen renditions of. Of course, there's also the chance you'll find a movie that's so confusingly unfunny that it feels like a prank on everyone who watches it.

Enter Cookie.

Christmas with Cookie is 53 minutes long. There are 240 images for it on IMDB, along with six reviews, all of which are either one or ten stars. And the story feels like a collection of partial plots jammed together by our host, Cookie, who sits next to a pitcher of milk amidst a mountain of cookies every time he's on screen. We all started keeping a close eye in that milk... 

But even with a host that made us groan and check the time more than anything, the Overlook's captive audience stuck with it (no they didn't have a choice) and made the best of a low budget, kind of Christmas experience, which managed to surprise us with some good looking cheap gore and unexpected monster appearances.

But I will not be suggesting we screen the sequels.
Also, Cookie totally drinks the milk.


The Overlook Theatre materialized in a Residence for a screening on 12/5/2019

*Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not affect the rating.

No comments:

Post a Comment