Here's what the creatures had to say:
Speed Demon - "The 2 music videos before the film should have been a indication for the uncreative wackness that was about to occur. This film felt rushed and sloppily thrown together. It felt as if Rob Zombie really didn't even care to make this film. The kills were super uninteresting and weak. None of the characters were likable. Such a horrible attempt at trying to be crazy, shocking and cause a wow factor. It felt like playing Twisted Metal 3 for the first time. Big time let down. Disgustingly boring." - 1 Star
Lord Battle - "31 feels like a bitter director punishing his audience (much like Robert Altman's OC and Stiggs). It's like he's upset at the polarizing responses his films receive from the horror community, so he's taken all the elements that make up his auteur profile and thrown them in a blender. Seriously, 31 isn't for horror fans, it's for Rob Zombie fans and only the most loyal. So if you like feature length music videos starring Sherri Moon Zombie in the desert, set in the 70's, you'll love this film." - 1.5 Stars
The Impostor - "'In hell everyone likes popcorn' and frankly I'd rather watch the popcorn be popped then see this again. 31 starts off with a simple plot: 5 friends on a road trip get captured and forced to play a sadistic game. That sounds better than it plays out. The kills weren't as crazy and innovative as I anticipated. Most of kills are done by stabbing and even that gets cut to other scenes or not shown in its entirety. I really wanted to like this film, I loved House of 1000 Corpses, Devil's Rejects, The Lords of Salem etc, and went in excited for a good time. Sadly while all this is going on it came off really boring at times and by the end I didn't care who lived or died. The so called "Q&A" after the film makes matters worse for Zombie, as he admits calling his team and telling them he bets he can pitch the dumbest simplest film premise in 30 secs and it will make money. And here we have 31." - 2 Stars
Clark Little - "Have you ever bitten into what you thought was a jelly filled doughnut but alas, no jelly was to be found? Disappointing, sure. Now imagine biting into a doughnut that was filled with a Rob Zombie script. Way worse. Zombie is now working like an evil cooperation. He gives a mishmash of his previous works and puts it under the guise of a new product. Someone keeps giving Rob Zombie money. I need to find this person and convince them that the absolving of my student debt would be a far better use of currency." - 1/2 a Star (default to 1)
The Creature of the ComiCombs - "We've seen our fair share of bad movies here at The Overlook Theatre and 31 falls right in line with that group. This was a boring and uninspired movie. The chemistry between actors was pretty bad and about 20 minutes in I asked myself this question: What the hell was Rob Zombie thinking? About an hour and half later my question was answered by none other than Rob Zombie himself. After a $15 ticket, two very bad music videos by Rob and a mind numbingly boring movie, we were treated to a "Q &A". This is where Rob Zombie proceeded to tell us that he took the dumbest idea he could think of and made a movie out of it because he knew people would watch it. Question answered. I felt pretty bummed out walking out of the theatre but I couldn't help but feel sorry, not for Rob Zombie, for the people who put money down for this movie to be made as this was crowd funded. Don't watch this movie, take that $15 and buy a copy of Running Man." - 1 Star
KillDozer - "I have always felt that Rob Zombie had the right intentions when making films and that his heart was always in the right place. Not being a fan of his music never mattered because I connected with him on a monster kid level and his true appreciation and knowledge of the genre. I felt that he would one day prove himself with a solid effort put to film. I no longer feel that way after seeing 31 and hearing from his own words during a pre-recorded Q&A that he "just threw out the dumbest idea that he could think up but that he knew people would eat up". 31 feels like a film no one involved with cared about. The characters are so underdeveloped that you don't even care which one dies first or why they are even being killed. It is set during Halloween for no reason. It is set in the 70's for no reason. It stars Rob's wife for no reason. I realize that not all things in film have to have reason, but at least one thing should so that the audience gives a damn and doesn't fall asleep like several people did at the sneak preview of this film (yes, I looked around and people were sleeping). I will say that I feel as though Rob is trying to recreate an era of grid-house cinema that can no longer exist because times have changed and the magic used to create cult classics and low budget genius is organic not forced. 31 is most definitely forced and in your face the way a child is when it's begging for attention. Nazi dwarves are not shocking (no spoiler it's on the poster), clowns are not creepy but they are overused, off camera kills are cheap and a total cop out to what you claim you are putting on screen, and casting genre legends does not give you bonus points. Shaky camera work and editing during action sequences was very "music video" style and annoying. The character Doom Head did have some fun dialog and will most likely be the only character you remember. Rob Zombie himself said that this movie was only made because he couldn't finish his last one. He also said he sees no resemblance to the film The Running Man but I will let you be the judge of that." - 2 Stars (1 for making a film which is hard work, and one more because I enjoyed the concept posters and art work that the movie didn't live up to in true "VHS/GrindHouse" tradition)
Huntress - Fell Asleep - Default 2 Stars
The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*
(Below is for after you've seen the film)
This question was referenced in so many of the creatures' reviews that it wouldn't be fair not to show it. So here is a segment of the Q&A that followed the early screening of 31.
Below is a brief interview with Rob Zombie and Sheri Moon, that answers at least one of the KillDozer's questions..
The Overlook Theatre materialized at Centruy Theatres for a screening on 9/1/2016
*Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not effect the rating.