The Overlook Theatre Reviews: Elves, Starring Dan Haggerty

5 of 6 viewers "Liked" "Elves" (1989, USA)

Here's what the citizens of the Overlook Theatre had to say:

The Berkeley Blazer - "My viewing of Elves felt like watching an inebriated gorilla suddenly execute a beautiful dance pose or pirouette. So much of the component parts of this film are made of the classic faux-bad movie stuff that would fit right in with those mock-trailers in the theatrical release of Grindhouse, and yet Elves uses those very blocks to compose an amazing, herried Christmas experience. While it's hilarious that Grizzly Adams is the main character, the humble hero charm of his performance is genuinely endearing. Nazi car chases and peeping goblinoids start with a giggle then lead to a shout of awe at the sheer bravura at the spectacle unfolding before your eyes. Whatever this movie was supposed to be, its makers put a lot of love into making the images on screen grab your attention. The hammiest characters are alive with an energy that never feels forced despite their obviously tongue-in-cheek delivery. I would watch Elves every Christmas." - 4 Stars

KillDozer - "I waited an entire year to see my bootleg VHS rip of Elves with my fellow monster kids and it was worth it! First off, the film starts like the intro to The Craft with some wannabe witches who dub themselves the Anti-Christmas, bringing back an evil "elf" through some botched ancient ceremony. I don't want to give away anything since the holiday magic is hidden throughout the film's insanely all over the place script. Writer Jeffrey Mandel has made a name for himself writing the best of the worst 80's sci-fi like Cyber C.H.I.C. and Firehead but this is by far his best most entertaining work. A true straight to VHS holiday classic that I believe is a must watch tradition during the holiday season. How do you even begin to describe the greatness of Grizzly Adams vs Nazi scientists during Christmas?!! Oh, I'm sure you are wondering about the Elves and where they come into play. Well they (or it) is one of at least 6 plots/sub plots that are thrown into this fruit cake collage of a creature feature/action flick. Major points for practical creature effects and an awesome explosion! Make Elves the focus of your next holiday get together and you won't be disappointed as it in no way promotes peace on earth or good will toward men." - 3 Stars (Collection worthy and a new Christmas tradition)

Book Wyrm - "A cat is killed, there's incestuous rape, and Nazis are back. This movie did not put me in the Christmas spirit to say the least." - 1 Star

Lord Battle  - "With a name like Elves, you'd expect a Ghoulies film tailored for the holidays. Thankfully this film is much more bizarre. In fact, so much happens in Elves that when a young girls cat is shoved into a bag and cat-napped, then haphazardly drowned in a toilet by the girls own mother, not to mention for reasons too dumb to explain, this ludicrous and hilarious moment still manages to be forgotten in the mayhem that follows. If you're the type that loves VHS madness this is a must see." - 3.5 Stars

Huntress - "I was so sure I knew what this movie would be about just based on the title, but I was wrong in the best way possible; the movie I imagined was pretty damn boring compared to the one I actually saw. The acting may not have been the best but no amount of conviction in an actor's voice could get you to take this movie that seriously. It was too much fun not to laugh with the insanity and campy effects in Elves, it's definitely worthy of an annual screening." - 3.5 Stars

Math Mage -"Nazi sorcerers attempt to revive anti-**** horrors in a plot to take over the world! Why they thought half-elves would be the master race, their terrible even if they get skill bonus for free. Everyone knows dwarves are the master race!" - 4 Stars

The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*

(Below is for after you've seen the film)

Elves has been discussed a number of times as both the worst and best film to watch during the holidays. I honestly feel that if you are reading this without having viewed the film, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Grab a couple of buddies and hit YouTube, the film in its entirety is here. So instead of trying to dissect this film down into some major themes or trying to understand Jeff Mandel's subtext about the holidays, I've decided to share a couple videos relating to the film and what might be the lamest listed "Goof" on IMDB and of course it's concerning Elves.

Note that 0 of 1 people found this interesting

I love when film is slightly edited to create a very a large change in subject, genre, or tone and I somehow happened to stumble upon a little edit that does just that to one of Elves' lamer moments. Again, you'll understand this better having seen the film, although it's definitely not a requirement.




This next video is to help give some weight to how huge Dan Haggerty's career actually was back in the day. Below is the entire full 2 hour Dean Martin Celebrity Roast of Dan Haggerty and if you watch long enough you just might see Orsen Welles take a shot a him...

- Lord Battle

*Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not effect the rating.

Treasures From The ComiCombs

Since last week was pretty light on releases, I decided to give you a roundup of my top books of 2015. A couple of these may not be straight up horror but they have more than a few similarities and these are some of the best books I have read in a long time. If you have been looking for something new to read, look no further, these are all collection worthy books. Enjoy!

Wytches

Writer- Scott Snyder

Artist- Jock

Colorist- Matt Hollingsworth

Scott Snyder has a pretty good list of titles to his name. He’s known for his work on Severed, American Vampire and most notably for his current run on Batman. He’s already got a few horror titles under his belt and Wytches is a solid addition. I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable (in a good way) while reading this book, it’s a creepy one. Combined with artwork from Jock and Matt Hollingsworth, this is something different and a must for horror fans.

Saga

Writer – Brian K. Vaughan

Artist – Fiona Staples

If you’re unfamiliar with Brian K. Vaughan, I recommend looking at his body of work thus far. He’s one of the best writers to come along in years. This book reads something like Star Wars/Game of Thrones/Lord of the Rings. Narrated by the young Hazel, this book tells the crazy story of her birth, life in the middle of a war, and separation from her parents. This is more sci-fi than horror but seeing the rough road laid out for each of the characters is enough to make anyone cringe. Fiona Staples has the perfect art style for this book. Her character designs are beautiful. The creative team behind this book is nothing short of awesome.

Southern Cross

Writer - Becky Cloonan

Artist - Andy Belanger

Colorist - Lee Loughridge

If you read last weeks post then you know how much I love this book. Becky Cloonan hits all the right spots with this story. The pacing is great, the story is great and the art is spot on. The layout for the art adds so much to make you feel right there alongside Alex as she searches for some answers regarding her sisters’ mysterious death. Of course her search brings about more questions than answers but the journey is one you definitely want to follow.

Low

Writer – Rick Remender

Artist – Greg Tocchini

This is a personal favorite but trust me when I say it has good reason to be on this list. Rick Remender pens an amazing story about loss and hope. Greg Tocchini inks some beautiful panels. Everything he draws is so organic and adds tons to an already mind numbingly good story. This year saw the end of the second story arc and the beginning of the third. Binge read the heck out of the two volumes currently available in trade.

Outcast

Writer – Robert Kirkman

Artist – Paul Azaceta

Yes, that Robert Kirkman but this is not the Walking Dead by any means. Outcast isn’t the type of book I would recommend to someone looking for an action heavy title, it’s about possessions and exorcisms. Kirkman comes out with something completely different here and just kills it. This book is extremely well written and focuses more on the development of its characters. Kirkman is something of a master when it comes to writing great characters, and lots of them, as is proven with the Walking Dead. The cast in Outcast is much smaller and it pays off. The writing is only half of what makes this book great. Paul Azaceta sets the bar high with his art. The detail in the facial expressions is top notch and his color palette is dark and eerie. The panel layout is basic but Azaceta has a way of making the book very cinematic. Outcast did everything right this year and that’s why it’s my top book of 2015. 

So that’s it. I hope you all have been reading these or at least plan to give them a shot. I didn’t plan this and I didn’t realize until I finished writing but all of my picks are from Image. It goes without saying that my top publisher is hands down, Image Comics. Next week I’ll have some more picks from this week's pool of books and I’ll have a brand new review for you, see you next week!

- Creature of the ComiCombs

Bluray Tuesday!

December 28th 2015

The last Bluray Tuesday of 2015 is here. Another light week on the new releases today, so happy pockets once again. First up is Bone Tomahawk which I'd highly recommend checking out and going into blind, you will be surprised. Well worth the blind buy for sure. Next up is the Hitman reboot Agent 47, which I heard mixed reviews about but will check out sometime soon. Sony's new bluray release is The Perfect Guy, a decent but predictable thriller with a few surprises I didn't see coming. Last but not least is Robert De Niro's new crime drama Heist. Next week is a heavy week for new releases, so 2016's Bluray Tuesdays will start off with a bang. What will you be buying, renting or just skipping this week? Let us know in the comments and don't forget to check out our Instagram page Here. We love to talk about horror and what new films are coming out. If you have recommendations on what we should review let us know. Until next week. Happy New Year to you all!

Bone Tomahawk: Amazon - $14.99

In the Old West, a sheriff (Kurt Russell), his deputy (Richard Jenkins), a gunslinger (Matthew Fox),and a cowboy (Patrick Wilson) embark on a mission to rescue three people from a savage group of cave dwellers.

 

Hitman: Agent 47: Amazon - $19.99

Genetically engineered from conception to be the perfect killing machine, he's the culmination of decades of research, endowed with unprecedented strength, speed, stamina and intelligence. Known only as Agent 47 (Rupert Friend), his latest target is a corporation that plans to unlock the secret of his past to create an army of killers even more powerful than him. With help from a young woman, the elite assassin confronts revelations about his own origins in an epic battle with his deadliest foe.

 

The Perfect Guy: Amazon - $19.99

With a fulfilling career and a loving relationship, lobbyist Leah Vaughn (Sanaa Lathan) seems to have it all. Things come crashing down when Dave, her long-term boyfriend, questions her future plans for marriage and a family. The resulting breakup leaves Leah heartbroken, until she meets the charming and handsome Carter Duncan (Michael Ealy). Soon, the budding romance turns dangerous as Carter reveals his volatile nature, forcing Leah to turn the tables on the man she thought was Mr. Right.

 

Heist (2015): Amazon - $16.99

When their attempt to rob a gangster's (Robert De Niro) casino goes awry, a desperate man (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) and his partner (Dave Bautista) hijack a city bus to escape from the police and a maniacal thug (Morris Chestnut).

 

   -The Impostor

Treasures from the ComiCombs

We’re coming off of a great release day last week but this week we have a very thin release schedule for horror books. There are definitely a couple gems; IDW is even releasing an X-Files X-Mas Special. Below you’ll find the horror releases for this week, as well as the publishers putting them out. Like I said, it's a pretty short list, so this will definitely be a good week to catch up on any backlog you may have. If you’re unsure about any of these titles don’t worry, I’ll be giving you my top picks in next week’s article from this list. Further down you will find my picks from last week as well as a review of Krampus: Shadow of Saint Nicholas. You don’t want to miss it!

Action Lab - Danger ZonePuppet Master #10

Dark HorseBuffy the Vampire Slayer season 10 #22

Devils Due/1First ComicsWitchfinder General #1

Dynamite Entertainment
Alice Cooper vs. Chaos

IDW
X-Files X-Mas Special

Image
Outcast #14

Oni Press
Blood Feud #3
Hellbreak #9

Zenescope Entertainment
Grimm Tales of Terror vol.2 #3

Last week saw some pretty solid releases. My pull list wasn’t short by any means and after digging through the endless shelves of the comicombs, I emerged with three winners. If you aren’t reading these titles yet, check them out.

Death Head #5 (Dark Horse)

Writers - Zack Keller and Nick Keller

Art - Joanna Estep

Colors - Kelly Fitzpatrick

A man haunted.

A family hunted.

When an ancient killer emerges from legend,

There is no escape but death.

This book had a pretty solid first issue and hasn’t slowed down yet. Issue #5 sees Niles searching for the plague doctor while things really start to unravel for the rest of the Burton family. Issue #6 has quite a bit to cover being the final issue of this miniseries but, as great as it has been, I’m confident that the Keller brothers will pull off a solid finale. Unfortunately, we will have to wait until February to see how this one ends.

The Steam Man #3 (Dark Horse)

Story - Joe R.Lansdale

Script - Mark Alan Miller

Art - Piotr Kowalski

Colors - Kelly Fitzpatrick

I picked this book up based on how amazing the cover of issue #1 was. The fact that Clive Barker gave this one a nod didn’t hurt either. The dialogue isn’t the most engaging I’ve seen but the story itself is awesome. If you haven’t jumped on board with this one yet, definitely check it out. Think The Time Machine mixed with Pacific Rim with a bit of The Gunslinger mixed in and you have the Steam Man. Piotr Kowalski and Kelly Fitzpatrick shine with the artwork and issue #3 leaves us in the middle of a pretty awesome confrontation. Issue #4 can’t come soon enough!

Southern Cross (Image)

Story/Cover - Becky Cloonan 

Art - Andy Belanger 

Colors - Lee Loughridge 

This is my top pick for the week hands down. Southern Cross has been amazing from the start and issue #6 brings us the final chapter of the first story arc. This book follows Alex Braith as she travels on the Southern Cross, Tanker flight 73 to Titan. Alex is headed to collect the remains of her dead sister and try to find some answers regarding her mysterious death. Strange things begin to happen almost immediately and this book does an amazing job of keeping you on your toes with tons of tense moments and some pretty messed up situations. This is a scifi/horror/mystery at its best. Becky Cloonan pens an engaging story while the art makes you feel confined with tons of wires, pipes, computer terminals, and long narrow corridors. The panel layout is great. Your eyes follow Alex from panel to panel through a corridor, into an elevator, through another corridor then down a flight of stairs to her room - you'll feel completely immersed you in the environment. I can’t say enough about how good this book is. You would be doing yourself a favor by picking up Vol.1 when the trade is released on January 6th and binge reading it.

Krampus: Shadow of Saint Nicholas

In case you missed it, we started this month off reviewing Michael Dougherty's Krampus; not to be confused with the two reviews that followed, this one we actually liked. When this book based on the movie was brought to my attention, I was shocked that it slipped past my radar. The book was released on November 25th, about a week before the film's release. I don’t want to call this a prequel to the film, although it was released just before, it acts more as an expansion of the Krampus universe. The production Company behind Krampus, Legendary Pictures has a comics division, Legendary Comics. I was worried for a moment but this isn’t just a cheap cash in, it’s actually written by Todd Casey, Michael Dougherty and Zach Shields, the team behind the film itself. The book is split up into four parts titled I-IV, each telling the story of three different groups of strangers as they encounter Krampus. The cover art was done by the talented Fiona Staples, but if you’re a fan of her work you will be disappointed to find out that she’s nowhere to be found in the rest of the book. Not to discount the rest of the artists involved, they all did a great job but we will get to that.

I

Art - Christian Dibari

Colors - Mike Spicer

This was a great story to start the book off. The worst mall Santa you can think of is on the verge of losing his job but is given another chance, thanks to his elf helper Audrey. Then the storm rolls in. The art really shines here. This story is full of emotional moments by way of our drunken Santa and Christian Dibari does a great job of showing us just how far down in the dumps he is. Mike Spicer's coloring does a good job of illustrating those emotional moments out. This is definitely a story of redemption for Santa and I was impressed at how the characters were written in such a short story. Good start.

II

Art - Maan House

Colors - Guy Major

This story was easily the standout for me. The book isn’t so much about Krampus as it is these characters overcoming whatever obstacle is holding them back. Very basic stuff, but this one nails it. It opens up with Sandy Kim, a police officer standing over her sister's grave on Christmas eve paying her respects. In a phone conversation with her mother, we find out that Sandy is caught up in her work, hoping to find the one responsible for her sister's death. Throughout the story we’re treated with a pretty great panel layout. One moment we’re looking at the scene from a distance and the next we’re looking through Sandy's eyes. Everything hits in this story. Guy Major's colors stand out here and combined with Maan House the art is outstanding.

III

Art - Stuart Sayger

Colors - Guy Major

This story sees a group of homeless people trying to survive and have a Christmas inside but the house they are hiding in is about to be demolished. Out of a house and stuck in the snow, the group decides to break into the house of the man responsible for the demolition and stay there for the night as he is out of town. This was definitely the weaker of the stories. Too many characters to really latch on to and get behind like the previous stories. The art here stands out as it’s pretty far from falling in line with what we have seen so far. Stuart Sayger does a great job going from dark and depressing to vibrant with a bit of help from Guy Major's colors.

IV

Art - Michael Montenat

Colors - Mike Spicer

The fourth and final story brings the characters from the previous stories together and if you have seen the movie, which I hope most of you have, this is where your heart drops, Gruss Vom Krampus. There isn’t a lot of dialogue here and it isn’t necessarily needed. I would have loved to see how these panels looked without the text; it would have left so much more of an impact. Michael Montenat is clearly the standout here as his artwork is front and center. This was an excellent end to the book.

This book really surprised me. I was excited to read it but wasn’t expecting much. The only real blemish is the third story in the book. The dialogue in the fourth story was a bit of a hindrance and took away from the wonderful artwork from Michael Montenat and Mike Spicer. There’s solid writing overall and some beautiful art throughout the book. I would recommend reading this after seeing the movie, it’s definitely more effective in that order. With that said, I suggest picking this book up. It’s a great addition to any comic collection.

4 of 5 stars

-Creature of the ComiCombs

Bluray Tuesday!

December 22nd 2015

Bluray Tuesday crept up on us once again. Not much out this week so our wallets should be happy aside from Christmas shopping. Main release this week is Pan, which has gotten many negative reviews and under performed during its run in theaters. May skip this especially due to its high release week price. Scream/Shout Factory releases two titles for the first time on Bluray today loaded will new bonus features, The Brain That Wouldn't Die and Nightmares. Not familiar with these but they do seem pretty interesting so I'd definitely check these out. WWE releases the third film in their 12 Rounds series, this time with Dean Ambrose in the leading role. What will you be buying, renting or just skipping this week? Let us know in the comments and don't forget to check out our Instagram page Here. We love to talk about horror and what new films are coming out. If you have recommendations on what we should review let us know. We also have some giveaways going on as well, so check us out. Fridays check us out for our New Creepy Pasta reviews from the one and only Ice Giant. Until next week. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all!

Pan 3D (2015):  Amazon - $27.99

Living a bleak existence at a London orphanage, 12-year-old Peter (Levi Miller) finds himself whisked away to the fantastical world of Neverland. Adventure awaits as he meets new friend James Hook (Garrett Hedlund) and the warrior Tiger Lily (Rooney Mara). They must band together to save Neverland from the ruthless pirate Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman). Along the way, the rebellious and mischievous boy discovers his true destiny, becoming the hero forever known as Peter Pan.

 

Pan 2D: Amazon - $22.99

 

Nightmares (1983): Amazon - $21.99

Four tales: chain smoker (Cristina Raines) meets killer; video-game fan (Emilio Estevez) gets carried away; Satan's car tests faith; rat torments man.

 

12 Rounds 3: Amazon - $13.99

WWE Superstar Dean Ambrose plays Shaw, a detective that returns to active duty after the death of his partner. When he uncovers evidence linking his fellow officers to a murder, they frame him for a homicide he didn't commit. Trapped in his own precinct, Shaw will do whatever it takes to expose the dirty cops and clear his name. With twelve rounds in the clip and one shot at redemption, nothing will stand in Shaw's way in this action-packed thriller.

 

The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962): Amazon - $19.99

Dr. Bill Cortner (Jason Evers) and his fiancée, Jan Compton (Virginia Leith), are driving to his lab when they get into a horrible car accident. Compton is decapitated. But Cortner is not fazed by this seemingly insurmountable hurdle. His expertise is in transplants, and he is excited to perform the first head transplant. Keeping Compton's head alive in his lab, Cortner plans the groundbreaking yet unorthodox surgery. First, however, he needs a body.

 

  

 - The Impostor

The Overlook Theatre Reviews: Krampus: The Christmas Devil

1 of 6 viewers "Liked" "Krampus: The Christmas Devil" (USA, 2013)

Here's what the citizens of the Overlook Theatre had to say:

Lord Battle - "Krampus: The Christmas Devil makes The Room look like Oscar bait. Only the most loathsome and foul of "B" movie fanatics will find enjoyment in this torturous indie horror film, with that said I am most definitely one of them. The ridiculous plot, terrible acting/casting, and horrible script are what I found enjoyment in, it's the lack of gore, cheap creature effects, eye rolling, cringe worthy surprise twist that everyone saw coming yet hoped it wasn't, that makes me give this film a low score. Don't make horror films to exploit horror fans, we are loyal to our genre and get angry when you market your film as something its not!" - 3.5 Stars

Speed Demon - "Mind blowing! ...In a ridiculously bad way. You will be asking yourself questions like. Wait why are they doing that? Many many times. The musical score was brutally horrible. The ambient background music sounded like they had the character Krampus from the movie produced this on a Casio 90's keyboard with his dumb ass rubber werewolf gloves on playing the keys. I am a fan of metal music, painful is all I have to say for those parts where they made an appearance. Definitely the worst bar fight seen in movie history for me. Were they practicing on what moves they were gonna use for the scene and they decided to just use the footage from that? I'd say so. Someones idea to put the bloopers at the end of the movie was a very bad idea. Why you may ask? ...Well because the movie was one large Blooper. Boooooo!" - 1 Star

Huntress - "The beginning of Krampus: The Christmas Devil was in no way great, but it was at least fun to watch (with a group of like minded people of course. I can't imagine watching this alone), but that all died less than half way through the movie. I don't know how a movie made two years ago can feel so dated, but this one found a way. It felt like a super long episode of Duck Dynasty that was trying to be "adult" but just made everything feel redneck. The Krampus was insanely cheap and spent most of the movie somewhere else, which might have actually been for the better. This movie hit a point where all the crappy everything started getting me really angry. Maybe the fact that the whole thing felt like it was made just to see an actress's boobs and to stroke some egos had something to do with it." - 1 Star

Math Mage - "Narrative! Dialogue! Pacing! This movie has none of those things! What passes for plot is given through painfully forced exposition, the Krampus is a cheap werewolf costume, and the soundtrack was wildly inappropriate. Guy wants his 10 years back, fuck that, I want my 90 minutes back. Give me back the 90 minutes you stole from me!" - 1 Star

KillDozer - "If you are looking for something to not only worsen your Holiday spirit but also make you fearful of cheap creature features, then look no further. Still fun to view with a clever riffing group of monster kids in the Christmas spirit (or drunk). People pretending to fight in slow motion, rubber mask monsters, cool aid fake blood, boobs, and a "what the hell is going on here?" plot. Every now and then you just have to take the challenge and sit through something terrible. Take this one on with friends." - 1 Star

Dabbles - "Krampus The Christmas Devil would probably get a B- in a community collage film course." - 1 Star

The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*

(Below is for after you've seen the film)

As Lord of the Overlook I choose about 90% of what we screen. Choices are based on popular trends, suggestions, or film covers. Since Michael Daughtery had announced he was working on a Krampus film, it seems many sprang up over night. This Krampus double feature was supposed to help thin the heard so our loyal fans wouldn't waste their time on crap. I also should mention I had stacked two odds on this screening, waiting till our most experienced fiends were in attendance: KillDozer & Speed Demon are veterans of the video rental days, where a terrible choice was one you paid for and lived with. Math Mage is perhaps the most experienced, taking extreme pleasure in deconstructing plots, predicting twist endings, and riffing the film to death when pinned down in the trenches. Huntress is ever faithful to the cursed theatre, attending even the worst features but always remaining, quite, vigilante, and respectful, unless she falls asleep. Lastly the poor creature Dabbles found his way to the theatre and wound up being hazed by two terrible Krampus films (that didn't really star a Krampus..), to our surprise the goblinoid actually liked one...

With the return of Mystery Science Theater and films like Troll 2 and The Room, it's not completely unreasonable for someone to find enjoyment in Krampus: The Christmas Devil (this time it wasn't Dabbles), it's just highly unlikely. I myself enjoy some of the most torturous of "B" films, I often sneak them onto the big screen and force the more frequent and hardy creatures of the Overlook to review them (see Blood Tracks/Blood Beat). It quickly became clear that Krampus: The Christmas Devil was not going to be good but entertaining I definitely found it to be...
The early imagery in the The Christmas Devil would have worked much better as a metal video, specifically a Black Metal video seeing as they normally are low-fi and offer brutal black and white imagery.

Krampus drags a naughty boy to a pond.

The Christmas Devil is juxtapose the boy who survived his drowning 

The story only gets stranger as it moves away from the black & white flashback. Assuming you've seen the film or aren't planning to after the reviews above, let me just sum things up... The boy grows up to be a cop. He attempts to take his own life during a metaphorical game of russian rulet with the pictures of Krampus' victims, her fails. A large majority of the town is reveled to bald. The cop hires a pair of Dog-esk bounty hunters to take into the woods to try and track the bum looking Santa kidnapper, he doesn't explain this to the bounty hunters until several minutes of film time passes of them stalking slowing in the woods. Krampus reveals his special ability to fast forward the film and move slightly quicker as a result. Krampus kicks their asses in a lame way and drags one of the bounty hunters to his wizard lair.

**Krampus in his wizard lair, reading from his naughty list.

There it is revealed that Krampus is part cheap Halloween costume werewolf and that he has an almost naked woman chained to his wall. Santa joins his brother Krampus and scolds him from playing with a girl so late in the season and reminds him he should have done that 2 days ago.

**Krampus and his chained victim (stick around after the bloopers for some more of her)

Now if this sounds remotely interesting to you, I'd recommend you check it out as there is still Brain Hat, a terrible bar fight consisting of cops vs cops that ends in murder but is laughed off, and a twist that makes Krampus not the bad guy?

For those of you that are fans of this film and are craving more, here is a link to the FanBacked page that ended before I came across it. Yes they were trying to make a squeal and for the humble price of $75,000! Since I know most of you wont even bother to click the link I've attached their campaign video below, your welcome!

- Lord Battle

*Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not effect the rating.
**These moments were filmed in color. Lord Battle changed them because he thought it was cooler.

The Overlook Theatre Reviews: Krampus: The Reckoning

0 of 7 viewers "Liked" "Krampus: The Reckoning" (USA, 2015)

Here's what the citizens of the Overlook Theatre had to say:

Speed Demon - "Promising in the first few minutes where the bad step parents feel the wrath of the dumbest CG'd Krampus ever. After this scene the yawning begins. Production-wise it was decent for sure. The voice over in one scene had me blown away on how disgustingly bad it was. Honestly there is nothing good to remember about this film. All I really have to say is stay away from this super boring ass movie. By adding Krampus into the title, they are trying to fool you into thinking you're in for a cool horror themed Christmas movie. You would be better off feeling the wrath of Krampus than watching this one. Bah Humbug!" - 1 Star

KillDozer - "Every now and then a movie gets screened at the Overlook that is so dulling to the senses that it drives the viewers into a frenzy of maniacal laughter and threats of suicide just to avoid having to see it through to the end. I take films like this on as a challenge and without the support of the viewers around me I would have been defeated. In this film, both Krampus and Christmas are but a small note to an awful mess of a badly written otherworldly revenge film. They get one star for effort. A warning to true monster kids, this film will Krampus your style." - 1 Star

Dabbles - "Great shots and production but felt like a giant R rated filler episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark. Yes, I mean to be dated." - 3 Stars

Lord Battle - "We embarked on this journey with a powerful group of adventurers, well versed in approaching terrible film. With an illusionary CG Krampus controlled by an evil little girl with voodoo dolls, scenes that start with the most obvious outcomes in mind, yet take days to reach and the only imagery worth mentioning is two pairs of breast, it's safe to say we were in over our heads and were outright defeated. Krampus The Reckoning is a very powerful evil, avoid at all costs!" - 1.5 Stars

Huntress - "Watching Krampus the Reckoning was a very tepid experience. I could not recommend this movie to anyone, not even to laugh though, because it was too slow and forgettable to leave an impression on me, with the exception of one or two pretty cool deaths and one of the worst artistic renditions of Krampus that I've ever seen. This monster walked straight out of a 90's computer video game and somehow managed to look even goofier towards the end. I had no one to root for in this movie, which just left me waiting for this non-Krampus train wreck to end. That being said, this was still not the worst feature of the night." - 2 Stars

Math Mage - "This movie made me want to kill myself. Just headbutt the concrete till I die. Boring and predictable with lame effects and unlikable characters." - 0 Stars (Default 1)

The Impostor - "With a slew of Krampus films out this holiday season I figured not all would be good, but this is one of the worst. Robotic acting, slow scenes that take forever to get to the point. Actors that look very confused in their scenes and boring dialogue. Krampus The Reckoning overall isn't very entertaining. I would not recommend this film." - 1 Star

The Overlook Theatre Final Rating*

(Below is for after you've seen the film)

The biggest disappointment Krampus: The Reckoning has to offer is easily the CG demon they call Krampus. Normally this kind of a CG offense comes as a reveal in the third act of the film. Strangely enough Krampus: The Reckoning leads with this dumb looking horned skeleton as he appears in the opening scene. This is probably a deal breaker for most viewers, but for those who are hardcore and will stick-out any terrible film, or those who dumped money into the movie and are determined to get something for it, are rewarded with some promising details; there are boobs as a little girl spies on her foster mother hooking up with some strange looking dude. She's quickly caught and locked in her room with a padlock! Then she reveals her hidden voodoo dolls which turn out to control Krampus... These events set the pace for plenty more odd things to occur, yet the rest of the film drags on for what seems like forever... So here at the Overlook, the creatures in attendance quickly resorted to riffing on this poor film.

The amount of baldness this film contained was "shocking" for sure.

One of the things we just couldn't get over was how the evil little girl made no attempt to hide what was happening and even literally offered up exactly what was going on, only to have these hotshots above spend and hour trying to figure it out. I mean she was drawing a picture of a large human -goat head hybrid and the child psychologist didn't even bat an eye! Also the unaging little girl turning out to be sisters with the main character was predicted by Math Mage and impressed no one.

By the end of Krampus: The Reckoning, everyone had thrown in the towel and was relieved to see it end. It even was tough to get through with some of our best riffers in attendance... If you've seen this whole film and had a different experience, please share it with us!

- Lord Battle

*Based on the star ratings turned in by character reviewers, others viewed and got to "Dislike" or "Like" but that does not effect the rating.

Creepy Pastamania!

"A Story From The BlackGuard"

Genre: Dark Fantasy

Reading Time: Each part is about 20 min worth of reading or an hour in one go. Pretty average length for individual pastas but a good long read if you decide to sit down and read through all three.

Author: Hetzer

Thoughts: BlackGuard is a series of three creepypastas, I don't know why they list the stories from 3-1 instead of 1-3 so scroll to the bottom to read the first one and then work your way back up for 2 and 3. These are a style of creepypasta I really enjoy because it's not just straight up horror, which I love but need a break from now and again; these stories feed my love of fantasy. They deal with a group called "The Blackguards" who protect us from all the monsters we assume are just legends and who seek to cross the border to earth from another world called Ares. It is an idea that has been done a lot but done right. And it's nice to come across creepypastas that are part of a series, waiting for the next one is just as exciting as waiting for the next episode of a show you really like or a sequel to a movie. I really feel like the author has put a ton of thought into his world and that it could easily be adapted into another medium....The most obvious being a movie or show but I would also love to see it made into a table top game.

Fun Fact: These stories are part of Hetzer's "Cambria" series and he seems to have a whole setting made out with other stories following totally different people all in the same world.

Creepiness

(Scare Factor)

Pasta Quality

(How Well Written)

- Ice Giant

Bluray Tuesday!

December 15th 2015

Our favorite day of the week is back! It seems like the weeks are flying by lately. This week there are many retailer exclusives to drain our wallets. With Christmas just around the corner, some of these would be great stocking stuffers. First up Shout Factory/Scream Factory releases a few titles: The Car, Zombie High and The Dungeonmaster/Eliminators double feature. I'm not familiar with any of these but look forward to checking them out in the near future. Arrow releases Blood Rage (1987) for the first time on bluray and this seems like a nice release I also look forward to checking out. Best Buy has a deal if you buy both The Maze Runner and The Scorch Trials steelbooks you save $5 which makes these $30 for both which is a good deal. Fantastic 4 and Mission Impossible 5 also get the steelbook treatment only at Best Buy. I want to grab these for sure. Target also has their own exclusives for these films but with a bonus book and bonus content. Last but not least Ted 2 is out today with a cool steelbook only at target. Surprisingly, I really liked the first one and I will definitely own this steel and watch soon. So what will you be buying, renting or just skipping this week? Let us know in the comments and don't forget to check out our Instagram page Here. We love to talk about horror and what new films are coming out. If you have recommendations on what we should review let us know. We also have some giveaways going on as well, so check us out. Until next week. 

Blood Rage (1987): Amazon - $25.99

A suburban apartment complex becomes a scene of carnage following the escape of an institutionalized twin.

 

The Car (1977): Amazon - $21.99

Two bicyclists are run down by a strange black car in the desert near a small town in Utah. But this is just the first in a series of hit-and-run murders. Sheriff Wade Parents (James Brolin) is called in to investigate, and his deputy, Everett (John Marley), is killed by the black sedan, which, some witnesses say, has no one behind its wheel. When the car threatens a local school parade, the lives of the town's children and Wade's teacher girlfriend, Lauren (Kathleen Lloyd), are endangered.

 

Zombie High (1987): Amazon - $21.99

An academy coed (Virginia Madsen) discovers a faculty plot to achieve immortality with a serum made from students' brains. A woman goes to previously all-male boarding school on a scholarship. She begins to separate herself from her boyfriend in order to devote more time to her new environment. Over the course of time she notices that more and more students have lost their individuality, and approach their activities in a lifeless and automatic manner. Eventually a diabolical plot fostered by the faculty begins to emerge.

 

Mission Impossible Rogue Nation: Amazon - $17.99

With the IMF now disbanded and Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) out in the cold, a new threat -- called the Syndicate -- soon emerges. The Syndicate is a network of highly skilled operatives who are dedicated to establishing a new world order via an escalating series of terrorist attacks. Faced with what may be the most impossible mission yet, Ethan gathers his team and joins forces with Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), a disavowed British agent who may or may not be a member of this deadly rogue nation.

 

Target Bonus Disc & Book: $17.99 

 

Best Buy Steelbook: $17.99 

 

The Maze Runner The Scorch Trials: Amazon - $19.99

Transported to a remote fortified outpost, Thomas and his fellow teenage Gladers find themselves in trouble after uncovering a diabolical plot from the mysterious and powerful organization WCKD. With help from a new ally, the Gladers stage a daring escape into the Scorch, a desolate landscape filled with dangerous obstacles and crawling with the virus-infected Cranks. The Gladers only hope may be to find the Right Hand, a group of resistance fighters who can help them battle WCKD.

 

Target Bonus Edition: $17.99 

 

Best Buy Steelbook: $19.99 

 

The Maze Runner Best Buy Steelbook: $14.99 

 

Ted 2: Amazon - $19.99

Life has changed drastically for thunder buddies John (Mark Wahlberg), now a bachelor, and best pal Ted (Seth MacFarlane), now married to the woman (Jessica Barth) of his dreams. Problems arise when the couple decide to adopt a child, but the law declares Ted to be property and not a person. Angry and dejected, the lovably foulmouthed teddy bear must now seek legal help from a young lawyer (Amanda Seyfried) and a legendary, civil-rights attorney (Morgan Freeman) to get the justice he deserves.

 

Target Steelbook: $19.99 

 

Fantastic 4 (2015): Amazon - $19.99

Transported to an alternate universe, four young outsiders gain superhuman powers as they alter their physical form in shocking ways. Reed Richards becomes Mr. Fantastic, able to stretch and twist his body at will, while pal Ben Grimm gains immense strength as the Thing. Johnny Storm becomes the Human Torch, able to control and project fire, while his sister Sue becomes the Invisible Woman. Together, the team must harness their new abilities to prevent Doctor Doom from destroying the Earth.

 

Target Bonus Edition: $17.99 

 

Best Buy Steelbook: $19.99 

 

The Dungeonmaster / Eliminators (1984-1986): Amazon - $19.99 

The Dungeonmaster: Geeky computer whiz Paul (Jeffrey Byron) is not happy to discover that his long-suffering girlfriend, Gwen (Leslie Wing), has been abducted by villainous sorcerer Mestema (Richard Moll). Mestema promises to release Gwen if Paul can complete seven different challenges in seven different realms. Paul consents, and Mestema equips him with a computerized wristband capable of firing lasers and transports him to face the perils he must survive if he ever wants to see Gwen again.

Eliminators:Mad scientist Dr. Reeves (Roy Dotrice) uses the body of a downed pilot to build a cyborg he calls "Mandroid" (Patrick Reynolds). Reeves uses Mandroid as a guinea pig for a series of time-travel experiments, and, after the latest test proves successful, he decides to send Mandroid to the junk yard. Mandroid, however, is not amenable to this idea. He escapes and sets out to find Nora Hunter (Denise Crosby), a robotics scientist who might be able to help him get revenge against Reeves.   

 

- The Impostor